AUSTRIA’S BEER SPA
Spas make me nervous, pubs do not. It took a lot of convincing from my Austrian friend that you could combine the two.
For in remote parts of Austria there lie spas where the main feature is beer. So much of the stuff, in fact, that you can have a bit of soak in it all.
Just north of Salzburg in a hamlet called Dorfibm is the Landhotel Moorhof. At first glance it looks similar to the chocolate-box Alpine houses that dot the surrounding valleys. Inside, however, there is more wood panelling than you’d find in a gentlemen’s club, a restaurant, a spa and a group of elderly but fairly frisky Germans on holiday.
Unsurprisingly, monks started the whole beer-wallowing enterprise. They discovered – no doubt some spotty Friar Tuck fell into a vat – that the ingredients left over from fermentation, the hops, malt and yeast, contain vitamins and minerals excellent for clearing skin conditions. About 1,000 people are dunked at this hotel every year, from tots to grans.
The Moorhof started the beer spa in 1996. Bernard Bauer, son of the owners explained: “My mother researched it and found that it was good for osteoporosis, acne and eczema. We get the ingredients from the small, local brewery, Schnaitl. We call it ‘special brew’.” The words ‘Special Brew’ were bringing back a lot of unpleasant adolescent memories.
That evening I prepared for the next day’s ordeal by tucking into a beer menu. The Moorhof restaurant serves wheat beer soup, broccoli in beer batter, schnitzel in a beer sauce with a beer belly-busting finale of pancakes… with wheat beer. All of this is accompanied by glasses of the foamy goodness of Schnaitl pils and wheat beer supplied by pretty women wearing traditional Austrian dress. The effect is intoxicating, and it is with a heavy head that I awake the next day to have my treatments.
The spa has a dry and wet sauna, ultraviolet therapy room, a small pool and a private room for the beer spa. There are four large beer barrels – big enough for couples – and these
are filled to chest height with bubbling hot water. The malt, hops and yeast – a green dry mixture – is added, and then you climb in. The scent is similar to cut grass.
Now, my worst fear with spas is boredom. What do you do? You can’t read, watch football or eat and you feel pretty silly discussing anything more serious than Big Brother. But then I found this beer tap and tankard behind me and knew all my problems were over. “Yes, part of the therapy is drinking a couple of pints,” says Bauer, “for de-stressing”.
By now the elderly Germans want to get in on the act as well. So the other room is soon bubbling full of Germans talking about football.
You spend about 20 minutes in the tub and if you are the least bit hairy the little bits of hops get stuck everywhere. Since I was fermenting nicely, I saw no reason why they should not bottle my tub-full and call it Kieran’s Best, but I had to extract myself from the barrel and was spun into a linen sheet, placed on a four-poster bed with a mattress of meadow hay to sweat in and – in my case – have a snooze. Whether it was the Schnaitl or my sleepiness, my skin did feel surprisingly soft. But in a masculine way, OK?
Then it was time to say farewell to this beacon of the spa world and stagger on further east by train (about an hour) to Innsbruck. You can get drunk just looking at the mountains in Innsbruck. On the train from Salzburg they become steadily larger and nearer until arriving in the city you are surrounded by this mighty fortress of glistening peaks. Although better known as a skiing hub, the city is more than alive during the summer, with a quaint old quarter to wander in and hikes in the mountains for the sober and honest.
Among these mountains, some 20km northwest of Innsbruck in the village of Tarrenz, you’ll find Schloss Starkenberg, a castle brewery lording it over a valley. My guide is Desirée Amann, an adorable blonde beauty who is single and heiress to the brewery – which just about ticks all my boxes. There is a tour and brief history of the brewing process but then comes the beer swimming pool. New EU regulations meant the seven old fermentation tanks were discarded and transformed into the only beer swimming pools in the world.
The large stainless steel tanks are filled with the yeast, hops and malt dry mix and heated until they develop a foamy head. This is not unpleasant. I thought my front crawl quite impressive considering – gulp, stroke, stroke, gulp – but frankly the pool isn’t worth drinking: it doesn’t taste very nice, it is only 2% alcohol and there is a staggering (literally) 28,100 pints in there with me.
Desirée Amann is on hand for relief with a pint of their finest pils. She breathily tells me, “We also have a sex beer called Knightlife,” but I think I’ve had enough exercise for the day.
Landhotel Moorhof, Dorfibm, Salzburg, Austria A two-night break for two including beer menu and beer spa costs from £300. +43 6277 8188 www.landhotels.at/moorhof
Schloss Starkenberg, Tarrenz, Austria It costs £100 for four people in their large tubs for two hours. +43 5412 66 201 www.bierschwimmbad.com
More beer spas to try
PRAGUE
The Chodovar brewery in Chodová Planá, two hours’ drive north-west of Prague, is a family-owned brewery specialising in dark lager. Their converted cellars contain huge baths for swimming. From £12pp per session. Chodovar brewery, U Sládka, Chodova Plana, Czech Republic, +420 374 794 181, www.chodovar.cz
BERLIN
The Kummerower Hof in Neuzelle, Germany, gets its beery goodness from the Klosterbrauerei Neuzelle brewery up the road. From £30pp per session. Neuzelle is about an hour-and-a-half drive east of Berlin.
Landhotel Kummerower Hof, Kummroer Strasse 41, Neuzelle, +49 33 6528 1111, www.klosterbrauerei.com
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